Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
