i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
