I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
