Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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