He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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