It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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