I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
