Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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