In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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