He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
