im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
