Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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