I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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