Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
