so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
