Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
