TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Couch. On fire.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
