After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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