I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
