Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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