so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
