Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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