Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Come share oat with me in your robe
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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