i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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