You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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