Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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