I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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