Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
