so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Houston, we have a blender
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
