who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
