worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
