The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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