so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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