Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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