Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
