I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
