Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
