i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
