i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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