Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
