Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
