How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
time to smoke my breakfast
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
