I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
