the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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