just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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