Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
