Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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