what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
