he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
