I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
