Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
