we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
