i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
