I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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